I)     What would you like to know?

M)   Well, to begin with, how old are you?

I)     Turned 68 on the 15th of July, but I'm accused of acting much younger.

M)   By?

I)     Everyone; my kids, mostly.  And the grandkids, but what do they know?

M)   How many kids, and grandkids?

I)     Well, as far as I know, I have three daughters and 5 grandkids, but anyone wandering around Europe might bump into a 45 year old that looks just like me, I don't really know.

M)   You spent some time in Europe, did you?

I)     Yup, shipped out at 17....spent three years over there and couldn't even drink when I got back.  Legally, that is.

M)   Are you married, Phil?

I)     You can call me Phil, that's all right.  No, I've been single for the last 30 years.  Married for 14, though.  Hense the three wonderful daughters.

M)   And you've had no inclination to repeat the marriage thing?

I)     Naw, I belong to the Groucho Marx school.....I wouldn't want to be married to a woman stupid enough to marry me in the first place.

M)   (laughs)  So, no chance, huh?

I)     Well, I wouldn't say that.  Hell, I might meet somebody tomorrow that really trips my trigger, ya know?  Stranger things have happened....but she'd have to be exceptional, if you know what I mean.

M)   Such as......??

I)     Well, she'd have to put up with my constant drooling, for instance.  And the annoying habit I have of jumping into the air every now and then and yelling "whoopee".  That bothers some people.

M)   But seriously, Phil, no chance?

I)     Oh sure, but you'd have to watch out for the flying pigs as you left the church.

M)   (laughs)  What about companionship?

I)     What about it?

M)    What do you do for.....you know, the conjugal thing?

I)     Hell, you talking about sex, son?  Sorry.....had my share.  Are you kidding ....I had your share too.  Not interested....besides, it's over-rated.

M)   Meaning?

I)     Come on, I spent the better part of my life waking up with women that I'd never met before and probably couldn't pick out of a room full of Japs a week later.  That's no way to live.

M)   And you don't miss it??

I)     Miss it?  Hell, I don't even aim at it.  To tell you the truth, it worked out perfect..... I lost my sex appeal about twenty minutes before I lost my sex drive, so it worked out pretty well.  I had about 20 minutes of hell there, but I got over it.

M)   Let's go on.....tell us about your kids.

I)     Not much to tell.....their Mother did most of the raising, I just get to do all the admiring.  She did a great job.  I have three daughters that some people would kill for.  Gave me a grand total of about 20 minutes of grief in my lifetime.

M)   That's wonderful.....how about the grandkids?

I)     That's different.....they're a bunch of animals.  Never saw such spoiled brats in my life.  Course, I did most of the spoiling.

M)   Are you serious?

I)     What......are you nuts?  Certainly I'm kidding.....I have 5 of the most wonderful grandkids ever born.  I'm pretty sure Hunter is going to turn out to be a master criminal, but the rest are perfect.

M)   Now you're kidding again, right?

I)     Man, don't be obtuse.....I'm always kidding, except when I'm not.

M)   OK, tell us about your hobbies?

I)     Well, there's golf, of course.  Golfed all over the world, but I'm standing too close to the ball nowadays.  After I hit it, I mean.

M)   Anything else?

I)     Hell, man....EVERYTHING else.  I'm into photography and woodworking and I read constantly.  I've never understood how a man could retire and sit around bored.  There aren't enough hours in the day, as far as I'm concerned.

M)   Tell us about this woodworking thing?

I)     Tell ya??  How about I show ya??